Thursday, November 18, 2010

sketchy hotel

i'm sad to inform you that the sketchiness did not end at the gas station that day (see earlier post). since the kuzanna grandma offered to pay for our hotel on this trip we decided to find something cheep, yet safe. little did we know that those two descriptive words don't go together when in reference to a hotel room. we posted up at the kuzanna grandma's house and searched until we found a howard johnson that was cheep and had good reviews. i guess what we didn't take into consideration was that the people posting those reviews probably had way lower standards than we do. or there is always that we are more easily scared than most people- which ever you choose to believe- we are ok with. you can decide for yourself what is sketchy from the list i (kuzanna ruthie) have compiled below of the sketchy things that happened during our stay at hj.

1.) when we arrived for check-in there was a lizard in the lobby. yes. a lizard. of all the animals/rodents that could possibly infest a hotel lobby... a lizard? really? and mind you, this was not a pet lizard that the hotel keeper had in a tank; this was a wild lizard running around checking out the continental breakfast that- you guessed it- we will not be eating. sketchy? we think so.

2.) the hotel is one level (is that a hotel or motel, i don't know the difference) anyway it is one level with the doors out to the parking lot... sketchy. i watch crime tv shows and i know what happens at hotels/motels that look like this and it's never good. remember joy ride? just sayin'. so we set in the car looking at the door that will lead us to the room we are staying in. should we go in? do we really have a choice?

3.) as we are setting in the car looking at the door to the room we are staying in, we look over to the room next to us and notice 3 to 4 college age boys (unattractive) looking at us out their room window while drinking beer :o sketchy? YES! while this pushes us to unload and get in the room we are no less sketched out by this place. ohhh lord, please don't let us die here! this is not the way we want to go.

4.) we walk into the room and it's not that bad... so we think. it's not as nice as places we have stayed before, but it's livable (one the surface). this is where we learn what seems ok on the surface isn't always what is really there. so we basically just throw our stuff down and speed away to get super in effort to make it back before the place goes dark because everybody knows that if it is sketchy in the daylight... it's more sketchy at dark.

5.) if you know me (kuzanna ruthie) you know that i don't ever miss my crime shows on tv... criminal minds, the mentalist, csi, without a trace and all the others. which mind you is probably not the best shows to be watching late at night in the wolds sketchiest hotel/motel room. however, i can't miss them so we watch them whilst laying on our perspective beds... when it happens... something starts to smell of urine. not good. really not good.

6.) when we finally decide to go to bed, i (kr) pull down the covers of my bed and notice a spot on my blanket! ewwww ewww eww ew NOT GOOD! the sheets look clean so i decide just to sleep with the sheet and no blanket, but kuzanna randi later wakes up with her blanket on her face, screams, and the throws it off of her saying it smells like bodily fluid. do i even need to ask? sketchy?

7.) during the night we hear banging all around us on the walls and people talking and yelling. i will not go into any detail as to what i presume all the commotion to be about, but i'm sure you can come up with your own guesses.

we made it out alive i am proud to say, but never ever never again will we be staying in a cheep hotel/motel room.

lesson learned: when it comes to your safety, life, good hygiene and the like... expensive is the way to go.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

one of the kuzannaz is going to college

it has been a while... i am aware of this fact. the reason being is that not much has happened in our lives as of late. since i (ruthie) ceased working for osage and got a "real" job- there wasn't much to report on. this is indeed sad. sure over the summer there were some dramatic things; like the time a 30 year old mexican tried to kiss kuzanna randi and kuanna ruthie threatened to castrate him like an animal, but aside from that... blah. is our lives as an ever exciting duo over? we were beginning to wonder... until.

there is nothing like a road trip to create mass hilarium.

kuzanna randi is graduating and i (kuzanna ruthie) am having mixed emotions about her growing up and moving away. however reluctant i may be, i agreed to take her to visit whatever colleges she desired. first on the list: berry college in rome georgia and since we had no idea how to get there we in listed my dad's gps to help us out. the affectionately (sarcasm) named "sasha" (a.k.a, gps lady) decided to take us on the longest possible route through the backwoods of every part of georgia you never wanted to see. in case you wondered... NO! there was not a gas station in sight and... YES! we both had to pee. badly. it wasn't until cartersville georgia that we found what is possibly the shadiest gas station known to man.

we are firm FIRM believers in the "buddy system"... no man left behind. we sat in the car deciding how bad we really had to pee and if we held it how much damage it would cause to our bladders. it's amazing, but i swear my pee knew we had stopped and was now waiting no longer. so we had no choice... we had to go in! we walked in and found it... the sketchiest single bathroom ever; and by single i mean: one toilet, no stalls and no lock kind of bathroom. i was in front and when i walked in to the bathroom, kuaznna randi was right on my heels.

so there we were standing together in a single bathroom in the sketchiest place i have ever set foot in.

here is something you need to know about the kuzannaz... when we laugh, it's not silent. it's a loud belly laugh that can be heard from miles away. if i (kuzanna ruthie) ever get started- it's bad news because i can't stop which makes kuzanna randi laugh more. do i really need to tell you what happened next?

needless to say when we emerged from the sketchy bathroom, all eyes were on us. we walked swiftly to the car and are positive that we will never ever pee in a sketchy place again; and i am almost as positive that those people hope to never encounter the awkwardness that is the kuzannaz again!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

the MOFC

we work at a little place known as osage farms during the summers, which is where a number of our best stories come from. every year we dread the day that osage starts... strawberries... corn... cabbage OH MY! it's not osage itself that we don't like, it's the people, who we swear, the sight of produce makes them stupid. here is a common question: "what days are y'all open?"..."8am to 6pm, 7 days a week"... "oh, sunday too?"

ok... lets take a moment to think about this!


the last time I checked... sunday is one of the 7 days in a week, and while this may not seem so bad to you, you should get ask this question about a million times a day and you will find yourself wanting to seriously hurt the next person to wonder if sunday has been removed from the 7-day-week as we know it.

another thing that happens during the summers is that we watch a lot of movies and tv shows. when you work on a farm the last thing you want to do on your day off is something that will cause you exert any amount of energy. so we find ourselves at movie time video and i am not joking when i say that we have seen near every movie in that place.

we have been through many stages in our quest for a good show or movie to watch: HOUSE and The Office are among some of our favorites. we have a love for dry humor.

however, one of our most memorable stages was the dance stage... this was when we watched every dance movie known to man: dirty dancing, dirty dancing: havana nights, stomp the yard, you got served, save the last dance, step up (1 and 2) and others i'm sure we have forgot about. well, long story short.... we decided we needed to start a dance crew at the farm. the problem with this idea is that we can't dance! if you in any way doubt this, you should go here to see what we would look like trying to dance.
the name of our crew... MOFC (mini osage farming crew). randi may or may not have tried to learn how to break dance and ruthie may or may not have tried to learn how to shake her pom pom (whatever that is). we even had plans to bring the our mexican friends that we work with on this because carlos could possibly "drop it like it's hot".

in the long run the dance crew was never "made it big". however, the shrine still hangs in randi's room. maybe this summer. it's not impossible ;)

Monday, June 7, 2010

in case you don't know us!

we (ruthie) keeps a list of craziness that happens in the kuzanna life... so if you need an idea of what a normal day with us is. brace yourself. here is some of the quotes/happenings from a normal day.

we decide to go down to the local track and spy on people (a frequent past time):
randi... "ok, look at those two there. you be the voice of the one on the right and i will be the voice of the one on the left."
ruthie..."ok, but you should know that i am pretty sure we just kissed each other."
randi..."ew... ugh... well that's not awkward at all"

randi participates in the cirque program at her school where she has to wear a clown costume:
ruthie... "well, at least 'you-know-who' (boy she liked at the time) wasn't there! That's a good thing, right?"
randi... " yea, i guess i wouldn't want the guy i like to see me bawl like a baby in a nasty clown costume, which was wedged up my butt"

randi orders a milk shake from burger king and it has a HUGE straw in it:
ruthie... "how's that big straw working for ya?"
randi... "sucks!"

randi eats way to many oreos:
randi... "i'm going to walk you to your car, then i'm going inside to throw up!"

ruthie and randi house/dog sit (see below post):
ruthie (talking to the dog that is scared of thunder)... "you hear the boom boom come?"

randi shows ruthie pictures of her crush online:
ruthie... "now see... he looks cuter in this picture!"
randi... "well, that's because that's NOT him!"

randi is texting her friend michael about her softball game:
randi... "today i got beaned"
michael... "that sounds racist considering i am mexican"
ruthie... "randi, it's B.E.A.M.E.D. not beaned!"
randi... "oh, well i always thought it sounded funny, but i just imagined little mexican men throwing beans at each other."

because there are so many of these... we will stop here. we will keep you updated on the funniest moments of our life and hope that you find them as funny as we do.

the human car wash

recently randi and i house sat for a friend of mine... this adventure included babysitting three dogs (oscar, bingo, and belay). belay is old and needed medicine, bingo didn't care if we were there or not and oscar? well oscar LOVED us! a little too much in our opinion. how can a small dog be so annoying? the first night oscar slept with us (we thought this would be fun)... WRONG! it was hot and oscar took the whole bed. randi couldn't sleep without her fan and despite my best efforts to "think cool thoughts" i was way to hot to sleep. we both agreed that the next night oscar would be banished to the living room.

oscar somehow won us over with his charms and we decided that he could sleep in the room with us, but NOT in the bed. that night = much less tragic. the rest of the week went well other than the fact that we could figure out how to work the shower in the master bathroom because it was like walking in to ha human size car wash.

really?... how do you work this?

ok, ok... so this is not exactly how it looked, but close and the fact is that we couldn't work it. sure there was another shower, but it didn't look near as fun. we named it the "normal people shower" and that is were we took our baths. i am sad to inform you that we NEVER figured out how to work the car wash.

On the top side of things we did make a delicious dinner one night :)

for the recipe... you can go here

and here

it was really yummy!